Chicagoland Golf Nightmare 18
Authors: Kirk Heil
A list of the worst designs and least enjoyable golf holes in the Chicagoland area. The criteria is that these are decisions by the designer and/or management to make/keep a golf hole the way it is..not a mistake due to a storm or disrepair although disrepair can move up the ranking. We are going for a par 72 so we have four Par-5’s, four Par-3’s and 10 par 4’s.
Par 3s
4. Silver Lake Country Club, Orland Park, IL, South Course 9th Hole
Silver Lake South for where it is, and its price point, is a great course. Every hole on the 5-9’s at Silver Lake Country Club end on a par 3…..just barely tho. The 9th Hole on the south is a par-3.5. From the back tee, with a back pin this hole can play up to 265 yards and very few days of the year can you run the ball all the way back there because its hardy ever bouncy at this property. Rarely does this hole ever play back into the wind as it does face east, however it is just so long and always leads to 2 and even 3 groups waiting on the tee on a weekend round. Solution? Move the tee back another 30 yards, put some mounds in front of the green to make it random for those driving the green and call it a par 4.
3. Flossmor Country Club, Flossmor Illinois, 2nd Hole
Such a great course surrounding this hole which makes it stand out as such a poor hole. 1st off, its flat. You feel like you walk out of someones backyard to the tee. Then, you will likely have someone hitting over the green that missed the first fairway to the right as the driving range is in bounds. Then their approach shots will occasionally lead to a “fooooore”. Sounds pretty annoying right but not too bad? Well, the back of the driving range is behind the green so you will see balls everywhere, sometimes even on the green and hear them landing while you are trying to putt on their trademark lightening fast greens. Solution? Hell if I know, I don’t design country clubs.
2.
Palmira Golf Club, St. John’s, Indiana 18th hole
A Par 3 finishing hole can be a great idea to allow multiple levels of player have a shot on the last hole for betting or just glories last shot for the day. One stipulation….it has to be a good hole. This one is not. Seems whenever I have played it, there is tree overhanging the tee box and someone hits into us from 17 or is teeing off on 10 causing a wait so you don’t get the crash of a driver followed by “did you see it” or “fuck another slice?”…..call me a prude but not a great design to stick these tee boxes near eachother for those finishing their round.
Worst Par 3:
Bolingbrook Golf Club, Bolingbrook, IL #7
A pretty looking hole that audaciously spells out the course name on a wall in front of the green. Unfortunately, they were so caught up in that they forgot to leave you enough room to play golf. From the back tee this hole plays up to 180 yards and some sections of the green are only about 8-10 yards deep—especially on the left. Most days, even if you are Bryson DeChambeau hitting a 9-iron in there, it will not hold the green. Makes for terrible pace and no chance at birdie which puts it on the list. A fix? Expand the green about 8 yards deeper. Update: I have been told that they deepened this green. I will update after I see it.
Par 4s
6. Orchard Valley in Aurora first hole.
Don’t make a 300yard drivable par-4 with a green you can’t see……ever….. What a terrible way to start a round. In addition, this isn’t even a good hole anywhere on the course. It’s so annoying to stand on the tee and have some starter say, “I haven’t seen anyone come close all day, you can go” Then wait, flare one out to the right and have him say, “see that’s a long way.” and then have to say “fuck you” to him and be annoyed until the next bad hole at this course.
5. George Dunne National, Oak Forest, IL 4th hole.
Even with all of the progress in technology it is surprising how many golfers can’t carry the ball 200 yards. which is why this is one of the worst holes in Chicagoland. Almost always, you will be behind a group playing the white tees and 3/4 players hit 1 or more drives into the lake on this dogleg left around a lake. What’s worse is if someone is playing from the farther tees that doesn’t belong there. For the better player, the 230 carry isn’t bad except there is a blind OB on the left, poorly maintained bunkers for a bailout on the right and then a green that is 90 yards long and was intended to be 20 yards wide but is more like 7 across in some places due to poor maintenance. Fix? Move a White tee all the way up behind the red tee to avoid a forced carry and grow in either the back half or front half of the green, the whole thing is a waste of money.
4.
Sanctuary golf club in New Lenox, IL 3rd hole.
I was watching a movie and this hole is in it believe it or not. The premise of some movie called Source Code is the character keeps trying something over and over like a Ground Hog Day thing and I wish the designer would have tried this stupid hole over a few time. I paused it and snapped the shot. It’s the fairway near the train.
Railroad tracks creep in on the left and water is on the right. You have the option of hitting a driver up near the green however the problem is the ground is usually all soupy and there is deep grass between the green and the lake. If you lay up, you have to do so with a 6-7 iron and there are awkward kicks into the lake from the right part of the fairway. The green is too small if the intent was to make you hit a long shot in. How to fix this hole? Move up the tee 60-100 yards and make it a long par 3.
3.
Lost Marsh, Hammond, IN 5th Hole
A continuation of the nonsense from the 4th hole (see below), this is another hole that requires a layup with less than a 5 iron off the tee. You are hitting to an island fairway and then a peninsula green that has a huge slope in the middle. I hope you are at least 4 drinks deep at this point in your round. Despite this place having 2 of the worst holes in the Chicago area, I would still recommend playing it. It’s like nothing else you will ever see.
Make it a par 3
Second Worst Par 4:
Glenwoodie 16th hole
Worst Par 4:
Big Run, Lockport, IL, 1st hole
first hole. This is also perhaps the worst starting hole in Chicagoland. Shots 200-240 yards that land in the fairway will not stop and will run through into the trees and spotty rough that you might break your club on the hardpan or tree roots. Your best chance is to hit a branch when trying to cut the dogleg from the tee and have it come straight down. Spots on the fairway are blocked out from poorly maintained trees that overhang about 4-6 feet off the ground. To make matters worse, you have no idea what your landing surface looks like as the green goes back up hill about 10-20 feet and the green believe it or not is pitched enough that I’ve seen people putt off it many times. Fix? Don’t put a golf hole on a side slope and don’t have a blind drive and approach shot on the first hole. Maybe if they cut down almost all of the trees around this fairway it would be a start.
Par 5s
3. Sanctuary golf club in New Lenox, IL 17th hole.
This is a bad design and it usually floods after any decent amount of rain. There is usually geese shit all over the fairways around the lakes leading to a terrible aroma. In addition, the tee box is next to a five par green that people usually spray around and either come into your fairway looking for a ball or roll one up by the tee. In addition, a par 4 tee box is about 20 yards behind you so no matter what you will have either golf balls or golf carts rolling up on you or have to listen to people yelling at their tee ball behind you.
2. Lost Marsh, Hammond, IN 5th Hole
The only reason this isn’t the worst is because this course knows it’s a joke and wants to hit you in the face. Also the fact that someone designed it when they were high on drugs or addicted to mario golf of both. The course that beats it out below is an otherwise serious course so must take the crown. This hole is bad though. You can’t hit driver as the fairway runs out at about 250 yards. The tee box has overhanging trees, electric boxes and a telephone pole that holds up a driving range net next to the fairway. The driving range is on the other side of the property so don’t be confused, this net was put in just because they know there was no place to put a golf hole so they scrambled for a stupid solution when golf balls were likely pelting cars on the maintaince road. Two golfers in our group nailed the pole from the tee.
The worst par 5 in Chicagoland
The 10th hole at Seven Bridges.
They call it “Temptress” and an “Island Golf Hole” which I think are just another way to say sucks. Temptress? It’s almost like they really know they have a stupid hole. This apparently was not the original design I’ve been told as they sold off some land to build some condo’s to the left or something. The result is hole that feels crammed in on an otherwise enjoyable course. The fairway just feels about 10-15 yards too narrow and feels like you are going thru a Portillo’s Drive Thru the whole way down to get to the rest of the course as you have to keep stopping to look for your foursome’s ball along the trouble on the left or right or watch the group in front of you do the same. It’s a great hole that someone who hates golf might show you to make you think that golf is dumb. If you hit the fairway, its a joke of a hole for a par 5 on such a high caliber course as it plays to only 500yards from the tips, but that freebee is not worth it for all the annoyingness of ball searching on this hole or bad breaks for shots close to the fairway. Oh and the fairway runs out for no reason. What’s more annoying is they have a bar right by the tee box so you will have music, televisions and bar chatter on your shot. A fix? Move the tee up 150 yards and make a drivable par 4 for the longest hitters and a layup/short iron for everyone else.
“Island par 5s” are not a thing for a reason
